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De lunes a viernes » Rumba de Sábado noche. Parte III
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Rumba de Sábado noche. Parte III

Me parece que soy de la quinta que vio el Mundial 78…

Andres Cálamaro: Crímenes perfectos.

No hay una forma específica de gestionar el ridículo. Puedes indignarte, huir, morir. También puedes reirte, disfrutar o emborracharte. Luego puedes decidir que la mejor forma de que los demás no se rian de tí es ser tú mismo quien lo haga. Interiorizar tu aspecto. Hacerlo tuyo y que no puedan herirte.

Personalmente no fui capaz de nada de eso. Me quedé congelado. La sonrisa puesta y un permanente estado de imbecilidad inducida. No era capaz de recordar un dato. Un nombre. No era capaz de articular un argumento sólido. ¿Cómo sería posible con un sombrero de paja Rosa picante, con un mecanismo de antideslizamiento llamado Luis Guzmán apoyado por su acólito, menor de edad, David? ¿Cómo es posible mantenerse cuerdo sin un solo grado de alcohol en sangre tras horas de fiesta?

Pues en esas estábamos y llegamos a la puerta de un local de moda de Córdoba que no nombraré para no estropear su imagen. Pues eso que llegamos al Góngora, y me dijeron en la puerta “usted no pasa vestido así”… A ver si nos entendemos. ¿No le gusta mi forma de vestir o que no llevo zapatos? (recuerden a Carlos diciendo que me pusiera zapatos para ir al cine… un visionario) ¿Cree que estoy ganando una apuesta consistente en ir garito por garito vestido de tolai exigiendo que me dejen entrar? ¿Se da cuenta, imbécil de la puerta del Góngora, que si voy vestido así es contra mi voluntad? ¿No es capaz de entender que mis acompañantes están dispuestos a dejarse la cartera ahí dentro para no apagar su estado de embriaguez? No fue capaz. Puso su mano en mi pecho, su otra mano en la oreja, miró para otro lado y dijo “circulen”. Después llegó el Eko y se puso a discutir. No creo que los insultos puedan ser reproducibles en un sitio público.

Pero fuimos cerca, Long Rock, un lugar con buena música. Para entonces mis acompañantes estaban ya deseosos de remojar el gaznate. Pero había uno en concreto, Julián, que por alguna razón no estaba muy contento (no por no haber visto X-Men, que también) y quería por todos los medios evitar entrar en ese garito. No pudo.
Estuvimos el resto de la noche, me eché fotos con muchas mujeres. Fui utilizado cual gancho para que mis colegas tuvieran ocasión de cazar inocentes muchachitas. Pobres, tan ilusionados y con tan poco éxito. A veces me pregunto. ¿Salir o no Salir? Una cuestión filosófica a la que me introdujo Julián. ¿Salir o no Salir? No salir. Porque si vas de fiesta, despedida de soltero y te encuentras con tu madre en el mismo garito, y lo que es peor, que tu tía le entre a matar a uno de tus amigos, para eso te quedas en casa. Pero que quede claro Juli López no me da ninguna pena.

Y se hizo de día. Y yo 0,0. Y mis amigos, números enteros. Cada cual inició la huida lo mejor que pudo y yo decidí que con mi nivel de alcohol podía volver a casa, arriesgándome a que me parara la guardia civil con 3 borrachuzos en el coche y yo vestido de… “Señor guardia, yo no bebí se lo juro, voy así vestido… por una apuesta para reirnos del tío del Góngora :(”.

Tomás y Galisteo se quedaron en la batalla. Mi queridos primos Antonio y Luis partieron con sus familias. David ya hacía tiempo que dormía. El Eko estaría por ahí contando la anécdota del policía y el eructo a quien quisiera oirla. Y Julián, Carlos, John y yo, de vuelta a Pozoblanco.

Y en pleno amanecer en la radio suena Crímenes Perfectos. Se hace el silencio a 20 kilómetros de Pozoblanco. Alguien dice que ese momento perdurará en nuestros recuerdos. Otro yace roncando y otro recuerda que tiene hambre y que ya que no ha podido ver X-Men quiere churros manquesea en un lugar entre Alcaracejos y ninguna parte llamado Los Ángeles.

Epílogo: A todos los que faltaron porque no pudieron o no quisieron venir, no importa. Pero que vengan a mi boda o entonces sí me enfadaré. :|

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